Kevin Pietersen’s Diary: IPL

April 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

20/20 century today

#truly blessed, #world’smostblessedbatsman, #KP

Tribute to Brian Lara.

Great moment 13min 30sec – 13min 45sec

Day 32

The sun is setting and the stars are coming out of the sky. Pakistan never looked so beautiful.

At dinner. I watch Belly going into the toilet. This is my chance. I give it to the count of 50. Then I get up and ask to be excused.

I walk deliberately, slowly, almost casually to the lavatory. Just before I get in I put on my leather driving gloves. Belly is pissing at the urinal. He is wearing a purple sarong, flip flops and a muscle vest. I am wearing a purple sarong, flip flops and a vest. This must end. Now.

I walk up behind Belly and reach my arms around his neck.  But instead of squeezing I ponder the situation for a second or two. In that moment’s hesitation Belly notices me and turns around, still pissing everywhere. On the walls, on the floor, on me.

“Kevin?” he says.

“Er.”

“O God. Finally.”

“What?”

He moves my arms around him, around his waist, and clutches me.

“I suspected it, but I never knew for certain,” he says. “God, Kevin you fool. Why didn’t you tell me before.”

“No. No Belly. This isn’t…”

He moves his face to mine, but I back away in horror. As I step back I slip on something liquid.

I fall. Belly is still advancing on me. Advancing.

“Kevin I…..”

“No Belly, no.”

I get up and scramble out of the toilet and into the hotel. The boys look around. My sarong is a deeper shade of purple. They see me. Somebody laughs. Then another. Then the whole table. I run off up the stairs to my room.

“Belllyyyyyy.”

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